Right on Schedule

Journal: November 26, 2022

I started this personal blog, in part, to develop a regular writing routine. So, here I am, 25 days later, and I've posted 2 journal entries and I'm still revising the first article. You know, the one I said I was going to publish 3 weeks ago. What does all this mean? It means I'm right on schedule...for me.

As happens every time I attempt it, NaNoWriMo was a bust. An epic fail, as the kids say. (Do the kids still say that?) For some reason I can not get myself to stick to the NaNo routine. And yet, I sign up for it every year. Either I am addicted to failure or I'm the eternal optimist hoping that maybe this year will be different.

I haven't been making any progress elsewhere, but there's no reason I can't continue the journal entries. So here goes...

I debated whether I should put this out on the big, scary internet but considering no one is actually reading this anyway, I guess it can't hurt. Besides, it feels dishonest not to share...this is a personal blog, after all. The truth is this weekend was my first Thanksgiving without my mom. She passed away in April after suffering a couple of strokes in the preceding months. We had a lovely Thanksgiving meal, thanks to my sister-in-law and niece. And my dad seemed to get through it well. But, it wasn't the same because, of course, it couldn't possibly be the same. It never will be. My job now is to figure out the new normal. 

The new Thanksgiving normal. Followed by the new Christmas normal. And then there's New Years, the anniversary of the first stroke.

I wish I had some wise words to share. Shouldn't I have learned some truth over the last 11 months? Something meaningful that I can share with you now? I guess that only happens in Hallmark movies. But, I do know one thing. I know I'll make it through. I know the rest of my family will make it through. We're strong. Because my mom raised us to be strong.  And we'll be happy because my mom would want us to be happy. It was hard this Thanksgiving but it was supposed to be hard. It's supposed to be hard to lose your mom. I'm right on schedule.

Sorry for the maudlin post. Please, believe me when I tell you that I'm not usually like that. I will endeavor to do better in the future. Happy Thanksgiving! ❤

Lesson Learned: I Have No Idea What I'm Doing

 Journal: NaNoWriMo 2022 - November 4

There was a time, not so long ago, when I thought: "Sure, I'll start a personal blog. It sounds like fun and, since it's a personal blog, it should be fairly easy to come up with ideas to write about. After all, it's really just a public journal."

Wow, was that dumb.

I like to write and I've kept a journal for years. But, as I brainstormed and researched ideas, one question kept running on a loop in my mind - why would anyone else find my articles of value? I typically don't go back and re-read my own journal so why would anyone else be interested?

I'm not actually publishing my personal journal, of course, but I've found myself stalled by the question of value. Writing a personal blog seemed like the perfect starting place. I could learn how to blog by writing about any topics that interested me. It had a logic to it. And NaNoWriMo would be the perfect platform to encourage the development of a regular, consistent writing routine. But, I'm paralyzed. I find that my own personal interest isn't enough. I want what I write to be appealing to others, too. How do I do that?

I don't know.

I pulled out a fairly decent outline from my Wednesday free-write for my first true article on this blog - I'm differentiating between these journal entries and full blog articles. I'm not sure why, really. (Did I mention I have no idea what I'm doing?) It was only somewhat painful but I eventually got the outline done. My goal is to get the drafting and editing done this weekend. Maybe even pull together some pictures to add to it. If all goes well, I'll publish early next week.

So, I am making progress. That feels good.

And So It Begins….Again

 Journal: NaNoWriMo 2022 - November 2nd

Hello, My Friends!

I can’t believe it’s already NaNoWriMo and time to stop procrasti-planning and put action to my writing plans. I’m excited as well as a little bit terrified. I’ve wanted to be a writer for as long as I can remember. I even minored in writing in college. But, I’ve never done it. I’ve never pulled the trigger on writing as either a passion project or as a career. (I should probably point out that I’m 50-something to put that into proper context.) I’d like to say there’s a lot of reasons for that - family responsibilities, job duties, blah, blah, blah. The true answer though is actually pretty simple: fear.

I used to be a good writer back in college. I was frequently complimented on my writing from teachers and fellow students, and I loved it. Both the writing and the compliments. Back then I never doubted that writing would play a central role in my life, whether as a profession or as a beloved hobby. I was wrong. Somewhere along the way, I lost it. I lost the drive. I lost the belief that I could, or even should, continue to pursue this craft.

A few years back I started questioning that belief, that I shouldn’t pursue my writing goals; that they were doomed to failure. But, it had been so long; my skills had rusted and everything I wrote was uninteresting, poorly composed and unworthy of even a personal blog. I was discouraged.

I have tried NaNoWriMo before - 4 times if you include a couple Camp NaNo’s - hoping that the challenge would help me create a daily writing routine; that the daily routine would re-awaken my slumbering talent and I could see at least a little bit of improvement by month’s end. Out of 4 NaNo’s I’ve finished exactly zero. None. 

But I’m back again, trying one more time. I refuse to give up on this dream. Not again. 

This year’s NaNo project is called “My Midlife Turn” the same as this blog. It felt appropriate. I’m not aiming for 50K words so apparently that makes me a NaNo Rebel - kind of surprising as I am confident that no one who knows me would ever describe me as a rebel. But, it is true, at least for this one month. 

Almost 2 months ago I decided to start a personal blog, this personal blog as a place to learn how to blog and share my journey as I chip away at a few changes that I want and need to make in my life. All I have done thus far is to buy the domain name and pick a blog template. My NaNoWriMo goal is to draft as many blog articles as possible this month, and then edit and post one or two. I started the first article today. 

In addition to the articles, I also plan to journal the experience and publish these daily (or near-daily) entries throughout the month. So, this is journal entry #1 - posted before I’ve even posted a single article. But, that’s okay as I’m sure it will be several months (many, many months) before anyone should happen upon this blog anyway. I’m okay with that…baby steps.

Lastly, I’m also in the midst of an online copywriting course, and I want to count that time toward my NaNo goal, too. So, I’ll do standard word counts for words drafted and words edited. Given that my average word count per half hour is around 500 words, I’ll track each half hour of copywriting study and practice as 300 words. 

I am actually starting NaNoWriMo a day late - on Nov 2nd. It’s been a good day as I’ve gotten a lot done. I spent 3 hours this morning working on the copywriting course, an hour-and-a-half drafting and blog articles, and another hour working on this journal entry. Yep, it’s been a good first day. 

I hope everyone who’s participating has had a good start on this year’s NaNoWriMo challenge. And I’ll see you tomorrow.